Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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