You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
