I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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