True but thats because hes a fetus.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
