wanna go halves on a baby?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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