Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
