that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hippo gnu deer
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
