It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
