I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize