I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
