He uses pillows to masturbate.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
