she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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