if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Green mimosas i think yes
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
