fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
