He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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