He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
