First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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