He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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