i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
