Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That accounts for only three of the penises
so much tequila, so little girl.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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