i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
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You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
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i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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