how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
