I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
