Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
