the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
