Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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