you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
