Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
