The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What drink are we having for lunch?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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