I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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