she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
