I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
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Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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