New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
