Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so let's talk penis.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
