you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
