Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i out mim tonsoeep
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