i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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