my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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