Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
where are you?
Hypothermia
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
