6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Who died my cat blue again?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
