every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
