i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
