Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
