I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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