It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
