my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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