I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
