The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize