Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
