My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you win again, gameday.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
