The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
