i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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