I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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