Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
