I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
