hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
