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I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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