my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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