i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.