I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me