Texts From Last Night

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  How drunk are you??

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm flawless.

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  (860): How drunk are you?? (732): I'm flawless. http://tfl.nu/mygo
  Replies (8) Good night (2417) Bad night (759)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  and?

  (514): View more from Quebec

  luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...

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  (514): so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother. (1-514): and? (514): luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne... http://tfl.nu/rdil
  Replies (48) Good night (4200) Bad night (944)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off

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  (570): A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off http://tfl.nu/1xmy
  Replies (13) Good night (6792) Bad night (1264)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..

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  (425): well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now.. http://tfl.nu/77ss
  Replies (10) Good night (1123) Bad night (1917)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.

  (254): View more from Texas

  Tornado warnings are fun!

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  (254): Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows. (254): Tornado warnings are fun! http://tfl.nu/9sqb
  Replies (13) Good night (3410) Bad night (1185)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes

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  (618): You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes http://tfl.nu/5pp7
  Replies (6) Good night (2873) Bad night (1120)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.

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  (540): i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis. http://tfl.nu/pg6e
  Replies (10) Good night (748) Bad night (1318)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.

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  (407): I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom. http://tfl.nu/s7cn
  Replies (29) Good night (3810) Bad night (930)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.

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  (613): Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out. http://tfl.nu/2zfm
  Replies (4) Good night (1087) Bad night (518)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.

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  (908): This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar. http://tfl.nu/pvsf
  Replies (4) Good night (1202) Bad night (576)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits

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  (778): can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits http://tfl.nu/njr0
  Replies (4) Good night (453) Bad night (1042)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.

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  (330): just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue. http://tfl.nu/y6r9
  Replies (4) Good night (736) Bad night (648)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever

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  (919): I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever http://tfl.nu/et05
  Replies (1) Good night (505) Bad night (898)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.

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  (305): Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem. http://tfl.nu/qcsf
  Replies (6) Good night (398) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.

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  (647): Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now. http://tfl.nu/9fl2
  Replies (1) Good night (233) Bad night (374)

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