Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.