hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.