just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
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I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
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I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize