hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
love makes seman taste better
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
