At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit