i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
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She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
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How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?