I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
