He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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