So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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