Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
