I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
