Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
This girl is more easily done than said...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
