So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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