I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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