you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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