Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
