Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
