we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
