new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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