Tell her she can't have a vagina
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it's like iHOP with fire
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
