all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
