we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
