he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
