the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Everclear isn't food dammit
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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