Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
