i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
