he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
