I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
